My Letter to Oprah

Hope we get on, girls!

Most adult women make new friends through shared interests and experiences. My special group of wonderful women friends is no exception. What is unusual is that we didn’t come together over a hobby or a job, we speak to each other just about every day, there are well over 100 of us, and most of us have never met face-to-face. We came to know and love each other out of grief, longing, and frustration, and now are able to laugh, cry, and celebrate with each other. Some of my best friends in the world are women I met online after miscarrying my first child.

It’s an unusual circumstance, but I’m so blessed and lucky to have found this group. Miscarriage and infertility are topics that still aren’t talked about much in our society. Although 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, people still don’t know how to speak of it. The sad thing is, for many women, it’s completely devastating. I needed someone to talk with, to cry with, to find hope with. Many of us have wonderful husbands, but I believe that an intrinsic part of being a woman is feeling that loss more acutely than even the most involved father can.

I found these friends online, and I can’t even distinguish in my heart and head anymore that these are “online friends.” We are simply friends, and we have held each others’ hands, wiped away tears, and brought each other to our knees with laughter. We have waited and hoped together cycle after fruitless cycle, and celebrated with great fanfare at the birth of each precious child. We provide sage advice and comfort when parenting or life in general, gets a little too tough.

These women have known as much about my reproductive organs as my doctor. They know all the names we were considering for our baby, they know my favorite colors and foods and who I voted for, even though I’ve never hugged many of them with my actual arms. We don’t always agree, and of course there are struggles to keep the peace from time to time, but we are well and truly bonded by experiences that will hold us together in our hearts forever. The Women Of PALP (Parenting After a Loss) are an extraordinary group of girlfriends.