Today was my last day of teaching for the quarter, and I'm not teaching next quarter--YAY! Of course, I still have a zillion papers to grade, but I'm breathing a nice sigh of relief.
Still lots of work on the other project, plus, you know, hosting Christmas and all, but whoohoo--what freedom to not have to be somewhere, dressed up, in the middle of my other jobs.
Amazing how much better I feel!
I've also been trying to let more things go--and finding just a tiny bit of success. When did I develop a Bree complex? New picture for the Christmas card? Nah--I'm using one from the Gap contest that I liked. Letter for the Christmas card? Nah--most people know what's going on with me anyway. Make my own cards? Not this year!
Anyway, I'm just rambling. I should be reading a zillion gb file to discuss with the client on Thursday, but, you know, I'm trying to slow down a bit.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Profound thoughts of my little diplomat
"Mom, what does it mean to crash a party?"
"It means that you go to a party that you were not invited to--it's very rude."
"Like when Maleficent showed up at the party and put a spell on the baby?"
"Yes! Exactly like that."
"Mom? Do you think that if the king and queen would have invited Maleficent, maybe she wouldn't have been so mean?"
"It means that you go to a party that you were not invited to--it's very rude."
"Like when Maleficent showed up at the party and put a spell on the baby?"
"Yes! Exactly like that."
"Mom? Do you think that if the king and queen would have invited Maleficent, maybe she wouldn't have been so mean?"
Friday, November 16, 2007
No More Thursdays and Something is Wrong With Me
Two titles for two posts, but they are related.
I'm done with Thursdays. No more class on Thursday, thanks to Thanksgiving and finals week. No more small group on Thursdays. This one is over, and really, I can't do another one for awhile.
That's where the other title comes in. I've had the nagging feeling for the past couple weeks that something is not right. I sometimes have trouble breathing. I've had insomnia for the first times in my life. I can't focus on one thing very long. Stress. I know it is, but I can't relax. I get even more stressed at the thought of nothing to do--which is really weird, because I could really use a break.
In my head, I'm at least a month ahead. I'm all but finished Christmas shopping, and the gifts are wrapped.
The Project That Won't End (or Begin) is in constant Hurry Up and Wait Mode, so I get all worked up, thinking that I have to get going on what I can, as quickly as possible, then, while we wait--I think that the house needs to be immaculate, all laundry done, meals planned and made ahead, etc.
Ridiculous.
I know I'm being ridiculous, but physiologically, something is off.
Two more weeks of class on Mondays and Tuesdays, and then we'll see. I know I need to be still. I know I need to listen. I know I need to chill.
Efficiency has always been something I've valued. As we were taking a final look at our values last night in LifeKeys, I had a mini-epiphany. Maybe I need to change my values? Maybe doing things quickly and ahead is not what is best for me, my personality, my passions, and most importantly, my child. Am I teaching Ainslie to never be still? (At the moment we're ok--she's chilled in front of Little Einsteins,) but it seems like we are always doing something, because I can't just Be.
In the group last night, we were also talking about when we felt we might put what we've discovered about ourselves to use, and that God doesn't necessarily mean for us to make changes Right This Minute. I said that I felt like changes are coming, and that I see things I want to do, maybe in a year.
My answer was by far the farthest away. Most people said within weeks. To me, a year doesn't seem that far away, and that scares me a little.
I don't feel sad. Or angry. Or hopeless, desperate or despondent. Just tense and frazzled. Think hummingbird on steroids.
We are planning on taking a vacation in January. Of course, besides thinking how nice it will be and how much we need to take a break, I get all tense thinking about where I will be on The Project by then.
I'm done with Thursdays. No more class on Thursday, thanks to Thanksgiving and finals week. No more small group on Thursdays. This one is over, and really, I can't do another one for awhile.
That's where the other title comes in. I've had the nagging feeling for the past couple weeks that something is not right. I sometimes have trouble breathing. I've had insomnia for the first times in my life. I can't focus on one thing very long. Stress. I know it is, but I can't relax. I get even more stressed at the thought of nothing to do--which is really weird, because I could really use a break.
In my head, I'm at least a month ahead. I'm all but finished Christmas shopping, and the gifts are wrapped.
The Project That Won't End (or Begin) is in constant Hurry Up and Wait Mode, so I get all worked up, thinking that I have to get going on what I can, as quickly as possible, then, while we wait--I think that the house needs to be immaculate, all laundry done, meals planned and made ahead, etc.
Ridiculous.
I know I'm being ridiculous, but physiologically, something is off.
Two more weeks of class on Mondays and Tuesdays, and then we'll see. I know I need to be still. I know I need to listen. I know I need to chill.
Efficiency has always been something I've valued. As we were taking a final look at our values last night in LifeKeys, I had a mini-epiphany. Maybe I need to change my values? Maybe doing things quickly and ahead is not what is best for me, my personality, my passions, and most importantly, my child. Am I teaching Ainslie to never be still? (At the moment we're ok--she's chilled in front of Little Einsteins,) but it seems like we are always doing something, because I can't just Be.
In the group last night, we were also talking about when we felt we might put what we've discovered about ourselves to use, and that God doesn't necessarily mean for us to make changes Right This Minute. I said that I felt like changes are coming, and that I see things I want to do, maybe in a year.
My answer was by far the farthest away. Most people said within weeks. To me, a year doesn't seem that far away, and that scares me a little.
I don't feel sad. Or angry. Or hopeless, desperate or despondent. Just tense and frazzled. Think hummingbird on steroids.
We are planning on taking a vacation in January. Of course, besides thinking how nice it will be and how much we need to take a break, I get all tense thinking about where I will be on The Project by then.
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