I can't even cry anymore

Too much time on my hands today, apparently.

I have just needed to have a good cry lately, and I can't. I am the person who cries at everything. Seriously, someone looks at me wrong and I fall apart. I hear a sad song and cry in public. Now, I can't. Maybe having to be on best behavior while we're living here has done that to me, maybe that part of me just isn't reachable right now. Now, see this, typing that, I well up, I want to cry...I just can't.

I am so TIRED of living like this! I want my own space, my own towels, and I don't want Ainslie to have to be so quiet in the mornings. I want to be able to cook and bake on cold days and make a huge mess in my kitchen. I want a freaking closet.

I want SOMETHING to change. Why did we do this? What have we gotten ourselves into? When can the next part of life please start?

I don't know what to do. I pray and pray and pray and apparently, us selling our house just isn't part of the plan. I pray for patience, and so far, well...I'm writing this post, so what does that say?

I want out of this limbo. I want a house. I want to pay off the debt we've accrued (which we will do when the d*&^ house sells.) I want to live in house with fewer than 9 animals. I want to grocery shop and cook like a normal person. I want to stay home some mornings. I want to cry.