Note to Self (and Suzi)

Those cute little cans of Diet Coke? Pl-ease. Not even close.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh...

I shouldn't spend the money, and I don't really have the time, but in between having a deadline on a portion of a project tonight, running some house errands, and packing up our stuff here, I'm getting a massage!

Heehee!

A very very very fine house

So, I have another tab open with all the work I need to be doing with my Ainslie-free days here (although I'd rather have her with me!), but I need a moment to catch up with myself and anyone else who happens along my rambling.

The house is empty. I didn't think I'd be sad, but closing the doors felt bittersweet. We joked all weekend about 'who would buy this house?', but really, it's a great little house. It's on a great block with wonderful neighbors. It's the house we finally got pregnant and became parents in. It's the place Ainslie took her first steps--I'll never forget the sound of her tentative clomp, clomp, clomping up behind me there in the kitchen.

I loved the screened-in back porch and the patio. I loved the countless evenings we spent hanging out back there, neighbors wandering in and out, sometimes with a bottle of wine. I loved the laundry chute.

Anyway, for a small family, we really filled that house, and with more than love. I thought I'd given away a ton of stuff, but holy cow--we have a lot of things. Or maybe the truck is just too small. ;-) Anyway, we have to make a trip back up to collect some things from a neighbor's garage.

Speaking of stuff, I can't wait to have mine back. Have I lived without it for the past 9 months? Of course, and I could live the rest of my life without it, but you know, it's mine. My favorite coffee cups. My dishes. My towels. Just to have things back and organized in closets and cabinets instead of boxes--priceless.

What did I learn this past year? What was I supposed to have learned? Well, I learned that home really is where you live with your own little family. When we first started looking at houses here, we would drive through subdivisions and declare whether they were Too Expensive, About Our Speed, or We Can Do Better Than That. Well, for what it's worth, I've learned that ANY house can be a home, and any house looks pretty darned good after you've lived without one for awhile.

I've learned that children are even more resilient than I knew. I've learned about new kinds of mommy guilt. I've learned a lot about my in-laws, and therefore, my husband. Yeah, new light was shed on many idiosynchracies, lol.

I learned that living with more than 1 or 2 pets is just not for me. I learned that I guess you can do anything when you have too. I learned (well, learned again) that God listens and has a plan. I also learned again that I'm perhaps not always a fan of the part of the plan that involves me being patient. ;-)

So--I need to send some faxes and cross everything and pray hard that our closings go without any hitches! My St. Louis trip got pushed back a bit, so I have a couple more days to unpack next week, so phew.

Now I really need to get to work!

When it Rains...

Last week at this time I was bored. Well, maybe a little excited about moving if we successfully made a lease agreement on our house, but definitely understimulated. The past several days have been a flurry. Now, here is my schedule:

Tomorrow--take Ainslie to meet my mom 2.5 hours away. Say goodbye to my Heart for 10 days.
Tomorrow night, 2/21--begin teaching a new class at RMC, then drive to Chicago with Craig, get in around midnight.
Thursday and Friday 2/22, 2/23--pack the house, finding time somewhere to meet with our attorney.
Saturday 2/24--move
Sunday-Wednesday 2/25-2/28 --develop learning objectives for a new project I was just assigned to that is SO wonderful but starting at such a rough time. Pack up our rooms here. Stress about closings happening. Physically go to the Village office to have the electricity switched to our names.
Thursday 3/1--buy a house
Friday 3/2--move in
Saturday-Sunday 3/3, 3/4--unpack, get my GIRL back!
Monday 3/5--unpack, get cable and internet installed.
Tuesday-Wednesday 3/6, 3/7--go to &*%%^ St Louis for 2 days, after JUST getting my baby girl back, for the project kickoff.
3/8----- work almost FT on this project, which is wonderful in terms of affording new furniture, just wish it could maybe start a little later.
3/18-3/20 -go to Maryland for rescheduled film shoot
3/22--girls' night in Galena--WHOOHOO. (Can we get massages?)

More things I love about our new house

Really, after owning a 2-bedroom condo and a 50+ year-old bungalow in the city, there are so many modern touches we are looking forward to living with. I must list them!

* Master bedroom with awesome bath
* Double sinks!
* Lots of closet space everywhere
* More kitchen counterspace and cabinets than I've ever had before
* A fireplace!
* Attached garage!
* Not just 2, but THREE full baths!
* Main floor laundry room
* a room just for toys
* did I mention closet space?
* open floor plan

Now, to get busy following up on all of Friday's phone calls...

Adrenaline!

No sleep and lots of coffee--is that why I'm so jittery? No silly, I"m jittery because I'm so excited and I'm loopy on relief and happiness! Even the forecast has temps in the 50's in a few days!

So much to do...

Why isn't the rest of the world up and ready to take my urgent phone calls this early?

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaa!

Lots of calls to make, playdate (with a new friend we will be living SO close to) this morning, then making the offer on the house at 2:30...hope to find out today whether we can move in before the closing...more calls to make...fun window shopping this weekend for a fridge and paint colors because we can afford to paint! We're going for sort of a "Hemingway in his Key West period" theme in the living room. What color would you paint?

Have I mentioned WHOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO?

Celebration!

If you haven't read it on a message board or in an e-mail, let me just say:

OUR HOUSE IS SOLD!

They want to close at the end of THIS month. The one that is half over. OK! They could have asked for all the furniture and we'd have said, SURE, at this point!

In a few weeks:

Ainslie can be as loud as she needs to be
I don't have to wear a robe out of modesty all the time
I won't have to carry my clothes into the bathroom with me
I will have a closet!
I won't have to lock the bathroom door and listen to Ainslie turning the knob and trying to get in--she can just meander in and out
I can decorate for Easter!
I can plan Ainslie's b-day party
I can organize play dates at OUR house
NO gates to keep dogs corralled
NO dobermans
I can grocery shop and cook like a normal person again

Relieved. Thrilled. Grateful. Happy. Exhausted!

Thanks, Walt!

"Mom, I can't find my Snow White shirt and it's breaking my heart."

"Mom, do you like my new dress? I got it at the store yesterday." (head toss) "Do you like my long yellow hair?"

Again, thank you Disney...?

God makes them cute for a reason

Terrible Twos. We've always said we'd rather have a Bart Simpson than a Martin Prince, and boy, do we. No fear. No fear of parental consequences either. The past few days (in part because of the weather) have been peppered with what I call fits of the 2-yr crazies. The running and screaming and refusal to listen and follow directions...

I know things would be better in our own house (maybe really soon!?), where she can run and scream and not bother anyone but me during the day, but really, sometimes I expect pea soup.

So then, she does something heartbreaking.

I love to listed to her talk to Baby. She is so sweet and nurturing as she says things like, "oh, my precious baby daughter" and "don't worry, hon, mommy's here..." It almost brings tears to my eyes and makes me forget the throwing of 5 puzzles across the bedroom, or the thousands of rubber bands she set free...

And then. She finally gave Baby a name, after 14 months. Carla. "Like my mommy."

And one funny moment for my Illinois friends...

At the rally, Senator Durbin (The warm-up act, lol) was announcing some of the people present...

Mayor of Springfield...yayyyyy
Elected state officials....yayyyyy
Governer Blago... ehh. The apathy was deafening. ;-)

The Audacity...

Funny, I've been writing a whole other post about Hope. Then, this morning, we went to see Barack Obama announce his candidacy for the presidency.

Wow.

I felt so...inspired. Proud. Hopeful. I'm not saying right now that Obama will or even should be our next president, there is still a long time left until the 2008 election, but so far, I like the man I've seen and heard.

He is intelligent and articulate; but so are many people. He is warm. Again, so are many others. He talks about the issues most voters care about--so do all politicians. In spite of all these similarities to most other politicians, something about him just shines. He resonates sincerity. He seems to have entered public service and politics for more of the right reasons than any other national political figure I've ever heard speak, and having worked downtown Chicago for several years, I've seen my share of live rallies.

He speaks proudly of his Christian faith without condemning or marginalizing those who do not share it. He speaks of uniting this country. He did not speak one word, not one personal allusion, against any opponent, from either party.

He did speak out about Iraq, and the mistakes he thinks the current administration has made; but instead of continuing to lay blame and take cheap shots, he talked about how we can end our involvement realistically.

I'm not doing him justice at all. Let me just say that for the first time in years, standing in the cold with Ainslie climbing all over me (you WILL witness history, young lady!), in the same place Lincoln announced his candidacy, I felt so proud to be a voter in this country. Whether Obama is nominated, much less wins, is yet to be seen, but flag-waving, hooping and hollering, uniting, gatherings like this, so full of excitement and hope, have been too few in the past few years.

How far south have we moved, anyway?

Ainslie used a Hickcent last night, out of the blue. We were finishing bathtime, and she says, "Mawmmy, late's go put my jaamie's on."
After giggling, I asked her why she was talking like that.
"Because ay waant to."
So I asked her who she's heard talk like that...
"Thaat mane who sangs 'My Grandpa, He's 95."

Steve Miller Band. Dance, Dance, Dance--her favorite song from Daddy's mix cd last summer. Great.

(Ainslie) Jane of the Jungle

I thought we were done with the climbing.

Last night, really, it had only been about a minute--I tested the bath water for temperature, stepped out into the hall and found a trail of clothing, shoes, and hair accessories leading to our bedroom, where Naked Ainslie was poised to jump off the bed onto the diaper pail she'd placed perilously far from the bed and close to the door facing. With a wild shriek, there she went. BOING...Boing...boom.
Bewildered, I asked my miraculously unhurt monkey, "What are you doing?" Dumb question, I know. The answer consisted of another jungle-girl shriek and running away, down the hall.

This morning, the potty chair had been moved near the dresser, and I caught her just as she was trying to balance the nefarious diaper pail on top of the potty. You see, there is hand lotion, waaaay up high. Potty chair, your job is officially over. Ainslie can make her way to the big potty every time from now on. Diaper pail, you weren't pulling your weight anymore anyway, with just a few nighttime wet pull-ups.

Now what? Suction cups?

Alchemy

A child can't actually turn into a chicken nugget, right?

January is over, optimism is building

Who really likes January anyway? The best thing about February 1 is that January is o-ver.



Today the high in Chicago is 6, and we have a showing! We also start a contract with a realtor I am over the moon for next Sunday. He sells about 70% of the property in our neighborhood. I know it's terrible to say, but I so wish we'd listed with him in the first place. Water under the bridge now, but he's actually been in most of the houses we are competing with, so he knows what is what.



My parents are keeping Ainslie for me while I go to Maryland and I am grateful and I am going to stop worrying. I also get to spend some quality girlfriend time with Jena while I'm out there and that will be wonderful.



One more thing to be happy about--we got our pictures back 2 days early. Not showing Craig is driving me crazy--

Babbling

I just need to post a catch-up entry for myself, to sort out the cobwebs that are beginning to form.

Where to begin? The easiest place is usually with Ainslie. This morning, she was asked to try the 3-4 yr-old gymnastics class tomorrow morning. She just isn't being challenged in her current class. The test will be to see if she can behave without me down there with her. I think she can, but the question is will she? She knows one of the boys from her former class, and I really enjoy talking to his mom, so I'm looking forward to it.

This brings me back to the topic of preschool. It seems to be all my mommy friends can talk about lately. Everyone seems so excited about starting in the fall (most of our Little Friends turn 3 in spring or summer this year.) I just don't know. I was all set and kind of psyched to check out a couple of the Montessori schools, but I worry about the locations because I don't know where we will be living. Frustrating. I don't know why I feel so opposed to traditional preschool--I guess I just think that 1) Ainslie will be sitting in a chair listening to teachers for 20+ years, 2) Child-led education seems like a better way to ensure a life-long love of learning, and 3) I think Ainslie would thrive in a less structured setting.

I'll stop short of bragging this time, but really, hard academics are not a concern. Listening to a teacher is getting better (although we'll see tomorrow.) Playing with other children has improved greatly in the past 6 months (of course it has, she's maturing normally.) So, I guess I'm still wondering if we need preschool in the fall. On days when I lean toward it, I wonder if it is just peer pressure. Really, wouldn't Ainslie do just as well doing gymnastics and one other activity a couple mornings a week? She's writing her letters, for Pete's sake! On the other hand, am I doing her a disservice by not letting her further explore her interests in a place that has exciting learning centers to discover?

This is hard.

In other news, I start teaching again in a couple weeks. This quarter I'll be teaching Career Development; writing resumes, interviewing, job searching, etc. I love this stuff. Now, I just need a morning where I'm dressed appropriately enough to go pick up the materials. One thing I LOVE about teaching here is the syllabus is already written. Cakewalk!

In other work news, I am supposed to go to Maryland at the end of February for the film shoot of a video we've been scripting. I'm really excited to go play Production Assistant for a few days. The downside is (Tammy...) childcare. My parents are more than happy to take Ainslie, but it seems so silly to have them meet me in St. Louis twice over such a short period of time. If we only had our own house...

And the house.
I'm hoping and praying the last people who looked put in an offer this weekend. Hey, it could happen. Meanwhile, we're interviewing replacement realtors Friday morning. We need our own space, and there is a dog living here that I am just about to kill. Seriously.A shot of Lily's insulin and it would be all over.

Two of the houses we were really interested in have sold, but there are others. All prayers welcome.

Arts and Literature

A: Draw me a picture, mommy.
Me: What would you like me to draw?
A: Ummmm, a butterfly!
(I oblige.)
Me: Now, what will you draw?
A: I'll make a butterfly too!
(She does a surprisingly good impression of mine, only much smaller.)
Me: Ainslie, that's wonderful! Good job!
A: Mom, it's a lower-case butterfly.

Picasso of the Alphabet

After 2 less-than-flattering preschooler posts in a row, I think it's time for a shameless brag.

Really, really shameless.

Ainslie is learning to write! I am so pleased. For someone who tells me the 'right' way to color is to scrub a whole crayola's worth of some unnatural color onto one part of a picture, I think she does a great job.

So far, she can accurately and recognizably write O,o (of course), H, E, e ("wook! A wower case 'e', mom!")F, T, t, I, i, X, x, and y. A and V are getting there, but she doesn't quite understand how to leave the marker on the paper, so she picks it up and starts the other line quite a ways away from the first one. We are working on a and Q as well, but I think she doesn't like to mess up her nice round O's.

She also draws a stellar Happy Face.

I trust that by the time she goes to college the coloring thing will have improved a little.

Cage Match

I remember reading, in horror, stories of terrible people who were found keeping their children in cages. How could someone do that? I'm now beginning to wonder whether they were on to something.

Ainslie was moved out of her crib because she was vaulting over the side rail; obviously this was unsafe. Now, she is in a twin bed that she has been getting out of for 2 hours straight the past 3 nights. If I only had a 'lid' for her bed. Maybe something like this already exists? I'm off to Google. If not, I think there is an untapped market for Child Cages, cleverly disguised in bold or pastel colors as 'bed buddies' or something like that.

There was a little girl, who had a little curl...

Remember the rest of this nursery rhyme? I live with the subject. When she is good, she is very, very good, and the rest of the time, well, she's 2 and a half. For the first time last night, I identified with some of the old-time-fundamentalist-tent-revival folks who think naughty children need demons cast out of them! Seriously, she was downright impish, and not in the cute way. I took away dress-up clothes, then the easel and art supplies, tried time-out (would you believe she got OUT OF THE CHAIR five times in a row?!) and nothing phased her. I'll even admit that I spanked her, and still, no reaction (which just makes my belief that spanking doesn't do any good that much stronger.)

I know they've been called the Terrible Twos for generations, and most people tell me three is even worse. I know she is developing emotionally and is only 31 months old. I know it is my job (one that I prayed for for years) to get us all through this, but YIKES.

So last night, after screaming through the furniture store, trying to wipe the dogs' noses with kleenex after being told not to a dozen times (the dogs loved that), whining, whining, and more screaming, disagreeing with everything she was told, the time-out incident, and getting out of bed 5 million times, finally, at 10 pm she appears to be un-possessed for a minute. I held her and told her that I love her more than anything in the whole wide world, even when her behavior is bad and I am upset with her. I told her that because I love her I have to make sure she doesn't grow up to be a brat, but a nice girl and a loving person. Her response? "Like you, mommy?' Awwwwwwwwww. Sincerity or cleverly outwitting me?