I'm really, really trying to Bloom Where I am Planted. I got a job. I've put Ainslie in activities, we have an offer in on a house; but you know, there is still that overwhelming feeling of Real Life being on hold. It's amazing how much being in your own space defines what you do and how you do it. Here we are, reticent to join certain organizations, even a church, because we don't know for sure where we will be living and when we will be living there.
Should we move forward even more? I really think that putting an offer in on a house was a good step--we're taking control of the things we can control, to some degree, but now what? We pray, we wait, we hope, we lower the price.
In some ways it's like waiting for Ainslie to be conceived. Ok, THAT was much harder and more agonizing, but it was always a question of, "when we have a baby..." Now, it's, "when we are in our new house..." There are hopes and dreams and decorating schemes we can't wait to get started on, yet we have to.
I have some friends who have been through similar situations (both with babies and houses) and I know it'll work out. I know it will. When I start to doubt our decision to move here, something always happens to reassure me, but still...how much longer?
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Do I ever, ever know what you are saying. That being on hold feeling just sucks. Since it seems maybe, just maybe (holding breath) I might have finally gotten my ticket out of limboland, I can only say "I understand" and hang in there.
And I just have to say this... it is truly hard to bloom where you're planted, because truth be told, it takes putting down roots to bloom. Until roots go in, no blooms. I can take this metaphor a long ways if you want me to, but I think you get the picture.
A wise and dear friend told me to lighten up on myself in the middle of all we went through these last 18 months because we were/are in survival mode, getting through and hoping everything and everyone stays healthy and doesn't suffer any longterm damage.
You are doing all the right things, but sometimes the planting has to wait awhile. I know it will work out. You know it will work out. But it is frustrating and hard and painful and scary and all sorts of other things rolled into one. That's what it is right now, and you know what? You are doing a great job getting through.
Praying and hoping your home sells soon so you can get into your new one. And sending a hug for you and Ainslie. I can't wait to celebrate your big move with you!!! May it be soon!
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