Badges of Honor

Lady on the leg press machine: I can tell you're a mom.

Me: Oh? How?

Lady: You have stickers on your back.

Ainslie's first joke

She actually made this up at the pediatrician's office on October 23, and she says it the same every time. The inspiration was a picture of a bunch of different nursery rhyme characters. A cat just happened to be sharing the wall with Humpty Dumpty.

Without further ado, here is the joke:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a...cat!
(beat) (beat)
I didn't know he had a pet! (followed by hysterical laughter)

Seven months today

Seven months today since our house was listed...
I never dreamed it would take this long. If we'd known, we wouldn't have done this; which in a strange way makes me feel that actually we are where we're supposed to be. Again, things were looking bleak, and then today something happened. Something small, but meaningful, and I choose to take that as a sign to hang in there a little longer.

I really, really wish the house would sell NOW for an extra reason, and that is we agreed with Aunt Barb to find a different realtor if the house doesn't sell by the end of the year, and I hate to fire family. I KNOW she has done everything she can do to help us, and I know she is a pro with an excellent record over the past 25+ years, but on the other hand, we have to sell our house, and changing to a more local agent is the one thing we haven't tried.

So. Baby Steps. Living with family has actually become somewhat easier, but the Not Having My Own House issues are seriously causing me a little bit of what I can only guess is depression. I feel a little blah--and I don't think drugs will help because I KNOW what will make it go away. So, I take baby steps. Today was our mom's group Christmas party and it was very fun, and so nice for Ainslie to be with a bunch of kids her age where she can just run and play. A week from today we leave for KC. Week after that we have a few things going on, then I have to go home to Chicago to interview agents, I guess. Then we leave for our cruise. Hopefully after that I'll have to go back to Chicago to pack...

A service of Lessons and Carols

Parenting is an awesome responsibility, fraught with tough decisions, lessons to teach, battles to pick, etc., all in the hopes of raising loving, responsible, productive members of society.

Today, it's been just plain funny.

Today, we had two Hilarious Teaching Moments while out running errands, both in response to me overteaching the meaning of some Christmas carols.

First, "Do You Hear What I Hear", as we searched for parking...

Me (getting her out of the carseat): Did you hear that? A child shivers in the cold! Do you know who that child was? It was Baby Jesus! Remember, how he was born in a barn?

Ainslie: Yeah...

Me: It must have been cold, being outside (never mind that it was the Middle East...). And here He is, a little baby, and people are bringing him gifts of silver and gold...

Ainslie: Holy Cow! That's Amazing!

(I can only attribute that response to Veggie Tales. She routinely babbles to herself, "That was amazing. I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob.")


Then, in Dick's Sporting Goods, we heard "The Little Drummer Boy". I was singing it as we shopped, and I explained that the little boy was poor, but he still wanted to give something to Jesus, so he used his Gift of Music to play a song, and that made Baby Jesus so happy that He smiled at the little boy.

Ainslie: But mom, could Baby Jesus talk to the little boy? He was just a baby.

Me: You're right. He was a baby, so he couldn't talk, but he smiled because he liked the music and He was happy the little boy shared his music with Him.

Ainslie: Um hmmm.

Me (pushing it for a 2-yr old): Do you know what that means? It means that we should use the things we are good at to make God happy. So, if you are a really good singer, you should sing joyfully to the Lord! (borrowing from one of our Bible Story books). And....if you are really good at gymnastics, you should...ummm...you should always do your best!

Ainslie: I should do a straddle roll for Him!

Yes!

Books and Covers

While I am in a blogging mood (or maybe I am incredibly BORED, hence the handmade Christmas cards you may have received...), let me talk about some houses we are interested in. With the drop in our asking price, what we can afford has also dwindled a bit, although luckily, the market here trails the Chicago trends by just enough time that we should come out ok. Anyway, there are three houses we are interested in right now.

House Number 1 is gorgeous from the outside. It has a beautiful circular drive and these cute little brick posts with gaslights around the drive. It has a True 3-car garage and a beautiful sloping back yard that abuts (did I spell that right?) a cornfield. There is a nice brick patio going the whole width of the house. It is the most spectacular house in our price range, from the outside. Inside, it is fine. It's large enough. Once we finish the basement (which we would be able to do right away) we would have all the rooms we want. But. But there are some weird things in the floorplan (the powder room and laundry room are right off the family room, on the front of the house) and the kitchen is as tiny as our Chicago kitchen, although I think in time we could open it up a bit. There are a lot of great things about this house, I love the neighborhood and I love the upper floors (yes, floors-plural, it has a wonderful finished attic with windowseats!), and it looks great from the street, but I think the main floor would bug me a bit.

http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg/267849.jpg
http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg2/267849.jpg

Then there is House Number 2. Ugly from the outside, although with the price reduced nearly $60,000 from when we looked at it, not quite as ugly as I originally thought. By ugly, I really mean, Not What I Would Pick. Dark on the outside, 70's brick arches....but I love the floor plan (despite some unfortunate carpet and wallpaper choices that would have to go before we move in). It is so spacious, and the basement is already finished, and the backyard--gorgeous! A great screened porch leading out to a large deck and then a huge yard backing up to a running path! So, great on the inside, but would I be embarrassed about it from the outside? Is that so shallow?
http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg/263999.jpg
http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg2/263999.jpg


Then there is House Number 3, which we've never actually looked at. Same neighborhood as House Number 2, but better looking on the outside. Much Better Looking. Great price, bad wallpaper according to the online pics, but a $5000 decor allowance at closing. Floors look good (new hardwood), several French Doored rooms (we love that.) Someday we should actually GO inside.

http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg/265533.jpg
http://www.caaronline-mis.com/spi/jpg3/265533.jpg

Anyway, here we are, trying to teach Ainslie never to judge books by their covers, and doing the same thing over inanimate objects. Who wants to live in an ugly house? Would you sacrifice cooking space for curb appeal? Can you have Ugly on the Outside if you could afford to makeover the spacious inside to your exact specifications?

Points to ponder while we wait for this young couple to make an offer. Please?

Please let our house be the Bride this time!

We had two showings over the weekend. One couple is very interested, although they had questions like why has the price been dropped so drastically...? (Ever lived with your in-laws--or anyone-- for 7 months?) Anyway, we are on their Short List. We've been on several lookers' Short Lists before but so far have been Bridesmaids. HOPING for a Christmas wish come true. We bought this house in December, it could happen again!

Meanwhile, here are a few photos of Ainslie at gymnastics last week:

One man's Bacon is another's Meat.

One of my favorite fiction books is called, "Lamb, the gospel of Biff, Christ's childhood friend" by Christopher Moore. This book, while some may find it irreverent at times, really touched me and in one especially poignant scene, brought the Point of my faith out in stunning relief. Basically, for those intrigued by the title, it is the (obviously fictional) account of where Jesus was and what He was doing during the years the Bible doesn't tell us about. In Moore's view, He was learning all the things he needed to know in order to take on the burden of the crucifixion and resurrection. Biff is his very, very human, affable friend who is sent to stay with Jesus (nicknamed Josh) through his travels. Being Jewish, they are not supposed to eat pork, but as they grow and learn, Jesus tells Biff that many parts of the Law are Just Bacon. They are rules that are or were there for a purpose, but are not necessarily the Meat of the Jewish faith.

Craig loves this book too, and we use the term, "Bacon" quite a bit as we discuss our own faith. We were both raised Protestent, but Craig was raised decidedly more High Church (he would be Catholic if I'd let him) and I way more Low Church, and though we have compromised over the years, we both feel more at home in the type of church we grew up in.

So here's my quandary. We have been members of a couple Lutheran ELCA churches over the past few years and I have been pretty happy with them. We have found some good congregations, we love that there is Communion every week, and we feel this denomination's stance on social issues meshes with ours. There is also a ELCA church here that we like--for all the above reasons, plus it runs one of the biggest preschools in town and the congregation is positively teeming with little kids. However, at this church, there is one piece of Bacon (to me, Meat to others) that is specifically spelled out.

My question is this--can one belong to a church and not share faith of one key tenant of that denomination? To me, the tenant is bacon, to them, it is absolutely meat. I do feel it is lying to pledge membership to a church, knowing you don't share this particular belief. On the other hand, I also believe that, well, it is Bacon...

Just some Food for thought, I guess.

Happy Half Birthday!

I had this whole entry planned out for today, about what I have learned over the past two and a half years, it was going to be kind of funny and sweet, but instead...

This morning, in a futile attempt to get Ainslie to go back to sleep at 5:45, I crawled into bed with her, to try to get her to be quiet. She snuggled up to me and said, "I love you, Mommy." I responded with, "I love you, Baby." To which she responded with her very typical (these days), "I'm not a baby, I'm a Big Girl." So I responded with my usual, "but you'll always be my baby girl."

This one was new---her next response was, "Welllll (another new vocabulary staple), I'm a big girl now but in a minute I'll be a grown-up."

I almost started crying right then. She's right.

Happy Half-Birthday, My Baby Girl, and please, please, please stay two-and-a-half for your full allotted time.

Mary Lou Who?

This is going to be a sugary brag, so brace yourselves.

This morning at gymnastics, Kathy asked me, "WHEN does she (meaning Ainslie) turn 3?"

I told her June--she won't even be 2.5 until this Sunday. Kathy says, "Wow--well when she's 3, as long as she has the maturity to behave, I think she can skip KinderGym 1 and go straight to 2--she's already got half the skills for KinderGym 2"

KinderGym 1 and 2 are for 3 and 4-yr olds, respectively. My little gymnast may be skipping a grade in gymnastics!

She really loves it, too. Who knows if she'll stick with it, but for now, it's great for large motor skills as well as learning to take turns, think about safety (running around the gym, jumping OVER the practice beam when someone else is using it...) and to respect the efforts and triumphs of her classmates.

I'm so proud!

Fun--thanks Annie!

I stole this link from your blog, Annie.

You Belong in London

You belong in London, but you belong in many cities... Hong Kong, San Francisco, Sidney. You fit in almost anywhere. And London is diverse and international enough to satisfy many of your tastes. From curry to Shakespeare, London (almost) has it all!

What European City Do You Belong In?

Oh, the things I said I'd never do

1. Purchase Licensed Character Merchandise
Caved: 15 months. Ainslie needed her first pair of 'real' tennis shoes for playing and I resolved to buy some nice generic-ey ones --until she charmed me with shrieking, "Mehlmo Zhues!" in the Toddler Shoe aisle at Kohls. It was so cute. Elmo Shoes it had to be. Since then, we have had Dora and Tinkerbell.

2. Lick my finger and dab the face.
Caved: Shortly after birth, I'm sure.

3. Willingly feed a child McDonalds
Caved: When I realized she would do anything for a french fry. Now it's even worse. I bought her a McDonalds fake food set (which also violates #1) for a stocking stuffer. Why? Because I know she'll get a kick out of it. It encourages pretend play, right?

4. Get into Disney.
Caved: I can't even remember. I think that sneaky Disney marketing just got to Ainslie, despite the fact that she doesn't watch that much tv, and virtually no commercials.

5. Get a dvd player for the car.
Caved: Friday. I realized earlier this year that it isn't even about entertaining the child(ren); it's about protecting the sanity of the parents on long trips.

I'm sure the list will only get longer.

57 days until our vacation

But who's counting?

I'm hanging on to this because I am hopeful that after we look forward to it for so long, then go and come home, our house will have sold and we can focus on moving, thereby avoiding serious clinical depression.

I will miss Ainslie terribly. I will worry. I might cry.

BUT

I will sleep past 6:30 am.
I will read books without pictures.
I will probably gain 10 pounds because I only have to feed myself.
I will not blow on anyone's food.
I will get ready to go somewhere (like to another buffet) in less than an hour and a half.
I will have conversations with Craig and other adults that do not include shouted interjections about climbing, jumping, yelling, or riding the dog.
I will nap.
I will wear makeup.
I will drink. Probably more than is prudent.
I will engage in adult activity without being paged, loudly.

Ah. I will miss my sweet, funny little girl, but today I am counting 57 days.

One slight edit to the post below

I should have told nosy people to back off, regardless of their work/parenting status. :-)

On the other side of the (de)fense

My mom is patently (if subconciously) prejudiced against mothers who choose to work outside of the home. I don't need to watch Dr. Phil to surmise that this is largely because she never did (and never had a "career" because she never finished college and feels somewhat inadequate or whatever about that...but mother/daughter issues are a completely different rant.) She will say things about So-and-So having a large house or taking fancy vacations, and then qualify it with, "Of course, she *worked* (as if the work in question was prostitution) when her kids were growing up." When I mention preschool or some part-time daycare for Ainslie so that I can take on more work, I am met with, "oh, but you'll miss SO much" ...and I am talking 6 hours a week.

Anyhoo. I am not thusly prejudiced. I think we all just do the best we can for our children. Some moms are better moms for working out of the home, some are better at home. I'm thrilled to be able to work on my terms right now.

BUT.

File this under, "Why can't people who have no idea keep their big mouths shut?"
OR
"Why on earth does this bother me so much?"

Lately, I been feeling the reverse SAHM discrimination. Why on earth don't I work and how could I deprive my child of 40 hours of daycare a week? Despite the fact that I DO work about 20 hours a week in my field, I suppose the usual uniform of yoga pants and solid long-sleeved tees give me that Mommy Chic (or NOT) look, so people assume I am a FT SAHM, which is a FINE job description by itself. Why then, if I am FT SAHM would I be dropping off some assignments for students at the college I teach at?

URGH. So here comes today's real story. I had to drop off some tests for two students to make up. I don't teach on Mondays. I run errands and work out on Mondays (because I have no home to clean, etc). I am with Ainslie all day on Mondays. So, I arrived at the building wearing black yoga pants, a shirt, and a zipped-up fleece jacket, hair and face looking ok (not Totally Done but not Just Rolled out of Bed), holding Ainslie's hand and carrying the papers. Ainslie, by the way, had chosen a dress with matching tights and her hair was Done. (She always looks better than I do.) ANYWAY, the women working in the resource center today was probably a full-time faculty member (big whoop, btw, this isn't exactly Ivy League) and after I explained what I was dropping off, she turned to Ainslie and asked her where she went to school. Ainslie said, "I don't go to school yet." very clearly--Ainslie knows about school and that she will go to preschool and then Big School someday.
This woman says, in a very condescending voice, "You don't? How do you learn?" I said, "well, she is not even 2 and a half yet. She learns from me." So then the woman drones on about, "do you go to daycare to play with friends?" "it's so important at this age to play with other kids." "Do you have friends, honey?" Ainslie responds with, "I have my friend Cawowine, and Anna, and..." But I was already completely annoyed. Pardon my French, but WTF?

WHEN did going to daycare become the preferred activity? WHO decided daycare is better than parents? Who did this woman think she was, passive-agressively questioning my choices to my 2-yr old, when she knows nothing about me or Ainslie?


Ainslie will probably go to preschool. For now, she knows a heck of a lot more academically than most other kids her age I've met. She rides a trike and a scooter like a pro, she holds a crayon *almost* the right way, and she can sit cross-legged, that benchmark of preschool skills. She sight-reads quite a few words, she knows how to share (not that she does it), she pretends a lot, she gallops, she...well, not being in daycare doesn't appear to have hindered her.

So, Moms who work outside of the home, BACK OFF. I was once one of you--I support you and your choice, but until you know MY child and her gifts, abilities and schedule, SHUT UP. Apparently, way back when, SOME preschools didn't put enough emphasis on polite conversation.

Pride goeth before Santa Claus

I had one of those, "I'm so proud of my daughter and today I feel I am doing a good job with her" moments as we strolled past a large nativity display in that ultimate Stuffmart, Sam's Club. "Look Mommy, it's Jesus!" Ainslie exclaimed. My heart swelled. Despite the fact that we have put off finding a church home until we get moved, she is learning about God. The Veggie Tales, the songs, the books and the talking are working. Hooray! I was beaming. She gets it!

Three aisles later..."Look Mommy! It's Santa Claus!"

Did you hear my bubble pop?

We'll get it figured out. Hey, I like Santa too, and there is a lot of good to be learned from believing in the guy with the beard.

Jabberwocky

First, let me just state a disclaimer: I know how blessed and lucky I am to have Ainslie; a child in general, and Ainslie in particular. This is not a complaint. It may be a cry for help, or at least, a cry.

For all my exclaiming about her perfection over the past 29 months, I have, sadly, found a chink in her armour. She did not come factory eqipped with an Indoor Voice or an Off Button. The child's normal voice is a quiet scream, and she uses it approximately 12 hours a day, which translates roughly to Every Waking Moment.

Now, she says some amazing and hilarious things---she remembers everything and also has the ability to synthesize information into new thoughts and put things together with logic and say all sorts of things that just astound me. She is also very adept at narrating the events around us to a harrowing degree of minutia. She also monitors my response like a drill sergeant; if I don't respond immediately to a comment about the red car next to us, I am met with a frantic, "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! DERE'S A WED CAR WIGHT NEXT TO US! EE IT? EE IT?"

Then there is the endless Pretend Play. Again, I AM thrilled that she is so good at this for her age, I mean, I can tell she knows what is real and what is pretend, but she will carry her games over so they overlap with reality, in almost a tongue-in-cheek way. For instance, she knows the Disney Princesses are wearing thin with me, so we'll be out somewhere and she'll mention they came too, but in their own car. The trouble here is that once we start using pixie dust to dance or fly, we aren't allowed to stop. For anything.

Who knew how exhausting it could be just to hear someone talk all day? By the time she goes to bed I am zapped. I want complete silence. TV doesn't even offer any sort of soothing. I just want some peace.

Again, this isn't really a complaint--I would much rather be here than be worried that my child wasn't speaking or having pretend play. I guess I'm just looking for a little commiseration, and a little reassurance that this too, will pass, and someday I'll want her to talk to me so bad that I'd endure all those princesses being around.

BOO!

Thought I'd post some pictures of our Halloween festivities...
Saturday morning we went to the Farmer's Market parade, where we met up with Caroline and Samantha. It was freezing, so after some pictures at home, we had to put on a jacket under the M&M suit.




















Sunday afternoon we went to Zoolie Ghoulie at the zoo here (and I use the term Zoo loosely, lol, they had goats...) It was a really fun event, though--they had 23 Trick-or-Treat stations throughout the zoo. It was still chilly, so we added a pumpkin hat to the ensemble.

Then, the big event--Trick or Treating. We headed out for a little loop as soon as it got darkish, and Ainslie had been practicing, so she had the process down pat.
"Trick or Treat"
"Thank You."
"Can we go to anudder house?"

After collecting more candy than we need, we headed home to wait for Ben and hand out candy, which was just as exciting to Ainslie as Trick or Treating; she loved seeing all the kids at the door and was adamant that she stay in costume to man the door. Here are some pictures of the cousins enjoying some Halloween time:
















All in all, a fun weekend; mostly because Ainslie is old enough to enjoy dressing up and taking part in the different activites. Hope you all had a "Happy Haddoween" too!

Today I love this age

Today I have to post an "I love this age" entry about Ainslie. Last night I could have just as easily posted an, "Urrrrggghhh this age where they talk, talk, TALK for HOURS at a time!" entry, but today is better. :-)
I love this age. I love seeing her progress with her "reading" and with her imaginative games. This morning while I was getting myself ready she was reading to Baby. She has just about all of her favorite books memorized, so she just imitates me. It was downright heart-melting that she even sings, "Pajama Time" instead of reading it. If she can't remember the words on a particular page, she narrates by using the picture. Pretty darned resourceful I'd say!

I remember doing the same thing, and I remember Carrie doing that too, especially with Mother Goose rhymes. You don't realize it at the time, but those rhymes are actually good for you--rhyming words, memorization...good stuff! Ainslie is so proud of herself when she can either 'read' or recite a whole Rhyme. Her Humpty Dumpty is Oscarworthy, I tell ya, and she also does a mean Little Miss Muffett. Doesn't she wonder what the heck a tuffett is, or is she "using context to gain meaning?"

The other thing that has me laughing is the pretend play. This morning, all the Disney princesses (except Jasmine--too far? Too rough a time change?) came over, introduced themselves, and then got into the van (Ainslie drove) to go to Bob Evans for cinnamon rolls and coffee, although Ainslie also ordered her staples of mac and cheese, broccoli, chicken fingers and french fries, with milk, juice, and water. Guess I should have fed her a better breakfast. After Bob Evans, they all went to Washington Park, where they played on the various equipment, before getting bored and driving to Rotary Park (aka Rodeo Park if you're 2.) Finally, I had to drive everyone home to the castle, and Ainslie decided to go live at the castle too. That was hard. I'll sure miss her.

Blessed am I Among Sisters!

If you died today, how many people would mourn you? Possibly a great many. If you died today, how many people would come back to mourn you 10 years from now?

At Carrie's visitation 10 years ago, I was astounded by the number of people in line to say goodbye. Our large church had a massive line snaking out the door. She had so many friends. She was that rare kid who was really popular but also very real, and nice to absolutely everyone. There was no class or clique distiction to her. Well, maybe that is unfair to say since I know she was also very perceptive, but she didn't let some of the meaner social rules pertain to her.

One of the saddest things I have ever seen is the number...the horde...of teenagers crying on her casket at her graveside service. Of course, she died at such a golden age--16. She was a cheerleader, honor student, friends with everyone, of course they mourned her then.

But Now! On Saturday a stone was dedicated to her in our town's new Children's Memorial Butterfly Garden (sad and beautiful place...shudder) and I was astounded and humbled by the number of her friends who came! They came from everywhere! All over the midwest, Texas, NYC---all these "little kids" who are now men and women and husbands and wives and parents and professional people--they came back for Carrie! They still miss her. They still cried. They still love her and consider her a part of their lives! I'm 18 years older than she was when she died and I don't think I have affected nearly as many people. What a spirit she has!

Here are some pictures from the weekend.

After the race Saturday morning, the Educational Foundation presented us with this quilt, made from each logo from the race t-shirts for the past 10 races. My parents were so touched, and my mom did such a graceful job of accepting it! Here we are with it, Carrie's mom and dad, sister, brother-in-law, niece, uncles, aunt, and cousin.




Here is the stone in the garden. It was such a nice event, named Carrie’s Party by two wonderful friends of the family who thought of doing this when the garden was first being planned. It was a gorgeous day, the garden was full of friends, a quartet sang, and I missed Carrie terribly, but at the same time I was so happy to be there, as her sister. How did I get so lucky? It’s a little bit funny (and Carrie would have thought it was very funny,) but the date of death on the stone is actually off by a month—they reordered it and it hadn’t come in yet!



So here we are 10 years later and I am still being inspired by my little sister, to live so large as to be remembered and missed 10 years later; not just by family and close friends, but by a community that has grown and grown.

Grateful

Today I am thankful for:

1. The fact that I do not have peanut allergies. No Thai food or pbjs would not be much fun.
2. Work! Enough work that is 'what I do' to contribute almost as much as before to the family coffers!
3. The Hyundai is still limping along.
4. We have the means (by robbing Peter to pay Paul, albeit) to replace the Hyundai, weekend after next.
5. We are going to Lee's Summit for Carrie's race next weekend.
6. I got to be Carrie's sister.
7. Ainslie is spunky. (today I choose to be grateful for that)
8. We have a roof over our heads.
9. Chocolate chip cookies.
10. The Philadelphia Chickens CD
11. The fact that I could list 10 things without even having to stop and think.